Growing Up in the Sun

Remember that time we swung on the swings and didn’t want it to stop because we knew it would bring this dream to an end? Well that’s how I feel right now. This is no dream or nightmare- but real life. Help me- I can’t fall asleep. And right now I want to. To Dream. To dream of all the things that to me are beautiful. All the things I want. And all that I want from you.

So don’t talk to me- please don’t let me realize that I’ll never get these things from you. That you don’t want the same things. And even if you did- how long could we pretend? Dreams are much better with two people- they seem more real, but never seem to last as long. Why is that? Don’t answer that- I know. Don’t let me realize that not only am I not ready to do it on my own, but being with you wouldn’t help any.

Treat me like crap and that will give me an excuse to keep living the way I do. Maybe even enough of an excuse, to justify to myself and others, to live like you. But I don’t want to live like you at all. I want to be strong. But we each want to make the other weak. And we each want the other to make us helpless. Then you can save me and make me love you- but if we didn’t put each other in that position in the first place we’d be truly strong. Call it friendship- but commutation and insults seems like adversities to me. That’s why I now cast you off- because now I AM strong. I’d rather be by myself than with people that don’t have my best interests at heart. At least alone I have no enemies- and it’s not good living with them every day. And at least alone I can dream- and when you can’t dream you have nothing in my eyes. You stopped dreaming- I haven’t. You thought they were just dreams- I knew they weren’t.

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