I am never afraid of being in darkness.  However I have a lot of emotions when it comes to darkness, such as a storm with sundown, I get irritated and usually find myself rushing to go back home.

I didn’t notice it until one day I came out from cinema with Radnor in total darkness outdoor, it was nearly 4pm but it looked like 8pm.  Long queue at the cab station.  There was at least 20 ahead of us in the queue. I was worrying and anxiously peeking at the traffic hoping for incoming cabs.

He noticed something strange in me so he suggested we gave up queuing for now and go back indoor.  I had to agree to the suggestion in that situation. We had some fun with new discovery in the shopping mall.

I could only guess what the reasons could be.

When I was little, Dad left us, Sis was studying aboard, Mom was alone working long hours to feed us.  Bro and I were always left at home.  Bro taught me how to cook rice with the electric rice cooker when I was 7 and he was 11.  Something for me to play with and so he could leave the responsibility to me while he had all toys to himself, which I didn’t mind.

Every morning Mom had to get up at 5, hand-washed all clothing, hung them outdoor for drying under sunlight and sent us to school before 7.  Our neighbour would pick us up from school when it finished at noon and sent us home. Mom would be home before 4pm.  

We had used lots of big towels and bedsheets due to my bed-wetting at that time.  It was very much annoying to Mom and she took me to try many types of medicines : western, traditional Chinese, or ancient prescriptions.  I guess the guiltiness has followed me ever since.

Rain or storm comes rather often in tropical zone. We were told to cook the rice and gathered the clothes indoor before sundown or rain. Sometimes we forgot either of the tasks, sometimes we forgot both.  Most of the time we didnt know what we have forgotten to do until we suddenly found Mom came home in total madness.  If we forgot to gather all clothes before the rain, it would all be wet, and Mom had to washed them again on top of  the other clothing.   We would feel so sad if we forgot to help mom with that, because after she cooked the dinner, she had to leave the house before 7pm for another cashier job at the night restaurant until 11pm.  

I guess that’s how the storm with sundown has haunted me ever since, although I don’t live with Mom anymore and there is nothing for me to go home for.



There are other situations that I would have strange feelings or become emotional when comes to darkness:

Lights in classroom has turned down for presentation with projector screen is on;

Going on long distance drive at night;

The quiet moment before movie starts in cinema,

Or when I found myself woke up too early or in the sleepless nights.




In what situation would you get emotional?

or, how do you feel in darkness? Relax and sleepy?






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