– Chapter 2 of Committed, by Liz Gilbert
Many years ago, when the bitter divorce struck me out of the sudden, I was trapped in an emotional spiral for a very long time.
I came up with a set of questions for myself to evaluate how much I am ready for a change. These are the questions often lingering in my mind, in my ups and downs of my current life. Sometimes things get better, sometimes things get worse, but these questions are often there, a rafting to help me through the rapid currents.
1) What do I foresee my new life in new changes with a new man?
2) What do I want with him?
3) What will I do with him that I cant have with the old one?
4) Am I capable to keep up with him?
5) How much I can keep him with me?
6) and how long I could?
7) Could I even get his attention?
8) Does he want me in the way I want him?
Maybe these questions were there whenever we start every new relationship and the answers always look promising, because we often forgot the ugly truth. Are these questions even near to any accuracy for a green light to go, or just a stepping stone, an excuse?
However I believe if we have thought this through, it may actually help us to retain peace in what we have or we dont have in our current status, even we dont, can’t leave. Maybe we dont want any changes afterall. Who would really want to leave the comfort zone?
Seriously, do we really have no one or do we just shed them off the list?
Is it a matter to settling for less or asking for too much?
If we can sacrifice that much for a new person, we might only need half of the effort with the current person.
I think these are some common questions has been thought by the many and the majority has chosen to stay put with whatever they have in hand and deal with it and stop dreaming. Only some of us who are adventurous enough would come out to TRY, often times we are not prepared for the outcome, crash and burn! Half of us would crawl back the original state and stay there forever then stop dreaming.
How much could you do for him? Can you came up with a list of possible horrible things on someone, apart from being a great person he is, can you stand with that and accept him as He Is?
Bad breath kiss in the morning?
Being bossy around the house?
Have 20 dogs at home?
Let’s say we have found that special someone = how long would it last? I think thats the most important questions of all. Or, does it really matter how long? If it is as short as few days, would it be too short, until we barely remember it in time? Easy come easy go, how many short romances could we remember? If it is not worth to be remembered, is it worth to start at all?
Thinking of these make my head hurts. Are we splitting hair here. But can we not think throughly? We dont have many twenty years in our lives. Maybe you will say, no matter what I think I have thought it through now, i will still be surprised when Im into the next relationship.
Entering mid-life crisis, I might not have many healthy years to come. What if I dont. What if I need to depend on some machines in every breath I take. Who would be the one willing to stay by my side, and, cleaning my daily disposals? Is it gonna be the new found love or the old one we had a child together? I have seen young couples went through remarkable love and life challenges, finally walked into the altar of marriage. It does exist.
What if Im not that lucky?