A Moment From Eva

…and for the first time I could see you as your own person. It was so strange that I just had to stop. I had to stop everything and just close my eyes. It hit me in a flash. Kind of like that time a few weeks ago while I was watching those children and all of a sudden I saw the world around me as a five year old does. And it was so strange, it was like I could almost remember seeing things that way.

Well just like that, I was seeing the world in a way I was not used to. And different than a child- I had probably never seen things like this before. That was the problem- I did not grow into this, I’d just always been like this. And maybe I always will be like this- but for those few moments things were different. Because I didn’t just see you in relation to me- I saw you outside of myself. I saw you doing things far away from me that had nothing to do with me. Without me even in your mind- that was some leap. I saw YOUR life and what you do with it, how you spend it, and what you want to do with it- and it had nothing to do with me. And it was beautiful.

You carry on, you go on- without me. You have your own feeling and actions that are not right or wrong by my standards- but just you. You believe. You believe in you when you can’t believe in other people like me- and that’s great. I am insignificant and you will forget about me- and that is good for me to know. This is good for me to feel. This is good for me to experience, if only briefly- because it’s the truth. You do your own thing- you don’t need me. No one needs me- you are all fine on your own, so why should I delude myself into believing otherwise?

As much as I try to believe it- you do not cease to exist outside of my realm. I always knew this- but never really felt it until now. Now I know why you all treat me the way you do- if I had your insight I’d probably do the same. But I don’t have your insight, except right now. So I see things very differently. You are your own persons- not an object.

Be free- because you know damn well I will not be your object. You have other and greater uses than to give me pleasure and fulfill my needs- if only we could both remember this.

But don’t stop acting like an object just yet because this moment is slipping away fast and soon I’ll want you back right where I found you, not gallivanting about someplace. Hear these word now before I can no longer speak them. And we’ll each go back to our old rolls- thinking only of ourselves.



 

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