I would not leave a note. At least I don’t think I would. What if it didn’t go as planned? That would be the worst. They say women want to fail just for the attention, men want to succeed to get it done. For me the fear of embarrassment would mean I would do my […]
I Kept the Card
I want to forget about you- but you are in my thoughts more than I will acknowledge. I want to dislike you- but I admire so much about you. I want to be disgusted by you- but I cannot help being attracted to you. I want to reduce you to a stereotype – but you […]
February
28th, Sun 🎼To live together is a sin, release me, and let me love again🎧 You never open your eyes to look at us, do you? You always live in the surface and assume this beautifully crafted life is real, don’t you? It stops my heart to shout at you: “You call this love? You […]
It’s just, terrifying
Remember we talked about there are things we said “we don’t Like/Want now” but one day things turn 360c and “we are starting to Consider, Like, Want even Love it?” I think I shared before but maybe I didn’t make it strong enough to tell you this is something very important to me or effect […]
February 8, 2016
Happy Birthday, and get ready to celebrate! The party starts as soon as we’re together. Words alone are not enough to express how happy I am you are celebrating another year of your life! And today I am so excited to share your special day with you even though there is nothing much we can […]
January
23rd.Sat Today we went to visit two elderly homes. I like volunteering works but I dont like to visit to the unfortunates, because I’m not capable to cleanse my mind after the visits. Why do I often do something that I’m not entirely sure I want to do? I have rejected and avoided this […]
Penultimate Plus 20
I’ll admit, my first thought was: “Oh crap, my new boss is going to want to eat lunch with me everyday.” Yes, at the moment that was my bigger concern (since it could be long lasting), not your final time with the group and how I know you wanted it to be. But only momentarily, […]
I was wrong…
I was wrong when I said I don’t like to talk about it when I’m upset about something. Precisely, I don’t like to talk about it with just anyone at anytime. I want it to be with a special someone with a good hug if needed, at somewhere I would feel safe, with someone I […]
Strands
You inspired me. Inspired me to reach out to others that have drifted away- either me from them or them from me, or both drifted off in our own directions. Reach out? Keep in touch? Extend a hand? Even if they have turned away from you, hurt you, abandoned you? That concept is foreign to me. […]
December
31st.Thu I can list a thousand things on the list of “Why we need a new boat” but only if we want to give up the old boat we are willing to take up new failures from new boat …..I’m sure the list could go on…. Wishing you a Happy New Year with only […]
A Lovely Disadvantage of Growing Up
I know you’re used to having people fall in love with you in no time at all- but unfortunately it won’t be quite like that anymore. All it used to take was a little time and it would most surely happen. They would first be captivated by your presence and looks- this is how you […]
1271
Leaving this building for the last time. This building that was built for us over 60 years ago. This place with so much history, where several movies were filmed. This place where I learned about myself, others, my job, my industry; and grew in all ways accordingly. What a strange feeling to never walk in […]
A Moment From Eva
…and for the first time I could see you as your own person. It was so strange that I just had to stop. I had to stop everything and just close my eyes. It hit me in a flash. Kind of like that time a few weeks ago while I was watching those children and […]
The 9:55 Regrets
It is only when I turn off the light, head on the pillow, pillow over my face- that I stop and think. Only then that I realize how thoughtless my priorities have been, how stupid my decisions have been. I should have listened more, asked questions more, spoken sweeter more, helped more, explained more, been […]
The Long Hot Shower
Hot water ran through my cold frozen body parts: neck, palms, legs, feet, those areas I couldn’t help them warm when I was outdoor. It feels good now. So good and I wish I never have to stop. When I linger few more minutes to this running hot shower, it has suddenly reminded me the […]
The Fall
The Fall Fall onto this couch with me. Let’s fall together, in each other’s arms. Pretend like we lost our balance- but find happiness in knowing we didn’t. We did it on purpose, and it’s funny and joyous so we giggle on the way down, and for the first few seconds after we land. Then […]
Delusions of a Late October Night
Last night I was kept awake by delusions of of grandeur. I thought that someone would want to be with me. That if I touched her hand or shoulder she would feel something special- that she would think it was sweet. Thought that if I gently lowered my head and rested it on her shoulder […]
For the Beautiful Lilies
Dear Mom You’re sitting next me waiting for the boarding of flight in the airport but I can only type it here. Please stop saying it’s your fault that you didn’t teach me enough, or it’s dad’s fault because he has abandoned us long ago. It’s more of mine as I’m already an adult. But you’re […]
The Unrevealed
We could use some inspirations in life, a dash of sanity reminders, and ideally a shoulder to lean on. We are creative, adventurous and courages. We have endless needs, wants, desires, and probably 7000 deadly sins. Some are good ones, many are bad ones, who cares- we just want them. But we fail sometimes, big […]
The Meaning of the Deep Blue Sky
You want to know too much too soon. You ask me to describe myself, ask me broad questions, ask me to tell you what type of person I am. Don’t you realize I cannot answer that? I can only give you my opinion. And my opinion is often wrong. And in this case my opinion […]
Catching Up
We have a lot of catching up to do. Like how I went to the beach the other day, the last time swimming for this year, no one else in the water- and I would be out there and some of the waves would break way out and when they did it would look like […]
Final Request
And in a flash I see myself doing it. I have thought about it dozens of times but, never actually pictured myself doing it, until now. And I wonder- is it ever peaceful? Can it ever be peaceful? When you have a healthy body and only an unhealthy mind- can it ever be peaceful for […]
Comfort Zone
– Chapter 2 of Committed, by Liz Gilbert Many years ago, when the bitter divorce struck me out of the sudden, I was trapped in an emotional spiral for a very long time. I came up with a set of questions for myself to evaluate how much I am ready for a change. These are […]
How do we talk in a disagreement?
Have you ever analysed how two people talk in a disagreement? Other than raising voice pitch, acceleration pulse, we had been repeating the point that we were holding against the other person. With the advance of technology we can now flip through old records, when we are calm, and look back what words or sentences […]
Growing Up in the Sun
Remember that time we swung on the swings and didn’t want it to stop because we knew it would bring this dream to an end? Well that’s how I feel right now. This is no dream or nightmare- but real life. Help me- I can’t fall asleep. And right now I want to. To Dream. […]
November
Monday, November 30th, MMXV “Do you always like passively ?”, said A “That’s a good question…. It changes…. Depends on the situation.You?”, said B “I have no guideline to be passive or not , I think I’m very passive at most of the situation, but then I have the personality that’s as innocent as a […]
Darkness
I am never afraid of being in darkness. However I have a lot of emotions when it comes to darkness, such as a storm with sundown, I get irritated and usually find myself rushing to go back home. I didn’t notice it until one day I came out from cinema with Radnor in total darkness […]
Do you…?
Do you look up to the sky? Do you do star gazing? Do you study the sky? Do you go camping? Fire camping? Do you know how to set up a tent? Do you like to discover islands? Do you like to go into the sea? Do you swim in sea? Do you like to […]
4:06am
Awake at 4:06am. No getting back to sleep today, I can tell. No sense in rolling over and keeping my eyes closed- only thoughts I cannot purge from my brain await me there. I am usually pretty sure when such attempts will be unsuccessful, but I often try anyway. I am now at the decision […]
Reminds me of Bethany’s
Reminds me of Bethany’s There are three different clocks in this house at least, each with different times Now it’s 6, 7, 8, I think, before it was the last I checked there’s nothing going on at my building totally empty parking lot would be back from 6, 7, 8 is that like reading? About […]
Mom’s Friend
Mom’s Friend can be a wild one – let me tell you. I will share with you a tale of some experiences I had last summer with one of my mom’s best friends. I met her because she is a friend of my mom and my sister (she is only five years older than me). […]
Heroes
Sometimes I sit around and wonder about- heroes. Like what it take to become a hero- like, John Lennon, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., etc. One thing I know if that they all had heroes of their own; someone they looked up to- emulated. But I realized something else- it takes a lot more […]
Blame #4
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid – Please don’t be stupid. Too much is at stake. And I always think it’ll be different this time – prove me wrong once again. Throw it all away once again.But what about the dreams and the plans and the hopes – What about them? What about Bozeman and the big house […]
“Ravishing”, he said.
I don’t remember his name, I seriously don’t. I cant even give him any alphabet. “Ravishing” is the first word we communicated so maybe I would call him that. RIP, Ravishing. He was decreased few years ago, few months before their wedding. On FB, I have been collecting .jpg of paintings, sometimes photography. He commented […]
Innocent Love
Some twenty years ago when he was 18, I was 15, we had a our first romance in this small town known as the Pearl of East. I was in St Cecilia’s Girls, he was in St Mary’s Boys. These schools are next to each other and sharing the same bus stop – somewhere we went […]
My First
I was a junior in High School. She was a senior. I had noticed her for quite a while from afar, and I came to believe that she noticed me also. We had some things in common, we knew from having mutual friends, although we never met. She always seemed so mysterious to me- someone […]